2016 Part III: Gratitude for Getting By With A Little Help From My Friends

This is risky, publicly thanking people. I'm not going to use last names. I also don't want to exclude people so if you feel left out after reading this, message me and I'll fix it. 

During the turbulence of the last year I've had friends both new and old really make a difference and help me get through everything. I'm so thankful in general to have you in my life and for the things listed below.

I'm making an effort to going in chronological orders. 

Thank you:

Shannon and Lenny: For hosting me whenever I come to Halifax and particularly when I came last new years. You're so generous it's incredible. 

Alex Ke: For putting up with me as your room mate for more than two years and for being there for one on one hang outs and most of the group activities outlined below. 

Claire: For being my emergency contact person while I was away and for baring the responsibility for the sealed envelope. I'm always so very happy when we get to spend tme together. 

David and Lise: For proposing and letting me store most of my worldly possessions in your storage space while I was gone, and for accompanying me to the hospital when I cut my finger. I really enjoy the time we spend together still and in motion. 

The 12 people who helped me move things into David and Lise's storage area: Thanks again!

The people who came to my going away party and who wrote me letters to take on my trip: Thanks for the send-off and I promise I haven't forgotten to write you back!

Alex Ko: For being a stellar room mate and confidant in Bukavu. 

Karen D: For including me in ultimate Frisbee and sharing with me over tea. 

Sandra: For baking cakes with me and coming to visit me in Ottawa. 

Anja: For being my confidant, for offering me drives, sharing meals together and asking Reiner to listen to my cough. You'll always be my Bukavu Mom! 

Mom: For housing me in May, for coming to Ottawa during medical house arrest, for our trip to Kingston and for continuing to answer the phone despite my continued bad news. 

Karen C: For your life long friendship, for asking me to be your maid of honour and for keeping me company in Ottawa. 

Helena and JF: Thank you for letting me stay with you twice while I was re-establishing myself in Ottawa. It was a joy to spend time with you both watching Ms. Fisher and playing with your daughters. 

Brian S: For driving me and my things from Mississauga to Ottawa, helping me move, coming up for my Birthday and generally being wonderful!

Adam: For being part of the first moving group AND showing up to help me move into my new place after a hard day of work AND for hanging out with me while I was on in home isolation. I really appreciate that you put up with my teasing and hair ruffles. Your long term friendship has really meant a lot to me. 

Kyle: I'm pretty sure you're solely responsible for me not losing my mind this year. Thanks for your unwavering support and company. 

Jarz: For being there when I've needed you most and for bringing me the replacement flower pot and flower while I was on medical house arrest. 

Aunt Miriam: Thank you for helping me while I was on medical house arrest with meals, drives and groceries you greatly relieved my fears and were a wonderful source of support.

Nigel: For your phone calls and for our adventure in Rimouski!

Sara: Also for your phone calls and your visits to Ottawa. 

Everyone who visited me during medical house arrest: Thanks for taking the risk to come to see me. You ensured that I didn't lose my mind and remained properly fed. 

Mathilde: For being a great office mate and sharing in the struggle. 

Becca: For helping me pick up household furnishings, for letting me use your drill and for putting up with crabby summer Kirsten. 

Stephane: For being willing to eat ice cream with me when it counts.

Channing: For jumping head first into our friendship and reliably being there. 

My other friends in Guelph, KW, Toronto, Mississauga, Ottawa and Halifax who are ready to spend time together every time I arrive and who have taken the time to share encouraging words. 

 On the off and horrifying chance that they have found this blog I'd also like to express my gratitude to my current and my former supervisor. To my former supervisor for pushing me to write the best thesis possible and my new supervisor for being so supportive and sticking with me through this transition. 

Although most of them can't read in English I'm also so grateful to my research participants for sharing with me, learning with me and inspiring me.

2016 Part II: Silver Linings

Just because you had a really difficult year doesn't mean there were not any bright spots right? 

Here are some of the reasons that 2016 wasn't totally unbearable. 

In January of last year the night before I left on my trip I had a going away party in Ottawa and about 30 people came despite the fact that there was a snow storm which was pretty wonderful. On top of that about 20 people wrote me letters that I brought with me and read throughout my trip. Some of them were really funny, some contained beautiful art and others reminded me of close friendships. What a joy. 


There are some pretty amazing things to share about Bukavu too. Bukavu is naturally beautiful with trees, hills, flowers and a lake which is great when it's not exploding (which is like 99.999% of the time) (this isn't a joke, look up exploding lakes). The temperature was always perfect and I greatly enjoyed kayaking on Lake Kivu and playing ultimate frisbee over the weekends while most of you were suffering through a Canadian Winter. 



Being in Bukavu also let me develop friendships with some pretty special people. The first set of friendships were with other expats, with whom I was able to develop much closer bonds with in comparison to my other trips to the African continent. This led to baking parties, tea parties and chats and drinking at a bar called Wendy's which is literally a shack on the side of the road in the nice part of town (I really wish I had taken a picture of it). The second set of friendships was made with some incredibly brave Congolese colleagues who shared their city, work and lives with me who remain very close to my heart. 



During my research I also got to meet some amazing Congolese people who are risking their comfort and sometimes lives to promote human rights and peace. This is done through trainings, radio shows, workshops, direct livelihoods support and medical interventions and advocacy campaigns. I feel that the mere existence of these organisations and their staff in such difficult circumstances is reason enough on its own for both the Congolese and the World to believe that peace is possible. I'm really looking forward to being able to write about these amazing contributions in my thesis. 



I also occasionally got to help while I was in Bukavu. It brought me great pleasure to pay for medical treatment for a baby in my neighbourhood who had a hot iron fall on her face, and for choir uniforms for her older sisters. I also found some enjoyment out of teaching the staff at the organisations that I was working with some English and I learned that language instruction is hard. 



Beyond the DRC I also had some other great opportunities to travel. I spent the better part of a week in Kigali where I enjoyed restaurants, shopping, seeing the legislative buildings, vising the Genocide Memorial and more. It was also a great pleasure to return to Kampala and visit old friends, go salsa dancing, go swimming, eat cake and go to a comedy show while I was in the region. I also went to conferences in Halifax and Washington DC where my research received much positive feedback. In Halifax I enjoyed visiting friends and being by the Ocean and in Washington I visited the national mall, the Woodley Park Zoo and the craft Smithsonian. I even managed to fit in time for some conferencing and enjoyed learning about other people's work.... Oh and last but not least I also visited Quebec City and Rimouski where I took in natural and heritage sites and got to spend time with my friend Nigel! Such adventures!  



As for things on the professional side, although I don't think I'll be seeking a reference from my summer employer, my efforts in the position ultimately led to four women from conflict affected countries receiving visas to come to Canada and receive mentorship from the organisation. I also had an opportunity to meet these women whose program I helped to design which was super. 



Further, although finding a clear path to finishing my thesis was a struggle, I now have a very clear idea where to take my research once I finish my Ph.D. and I see continued opportunities to contribute to research on both peacebuilding and the DRC if I so choose. I'm also ultimately satisfied with the breakup with my thesis supervisor. Throughout the process I felt like my needs were prioritized, my relationship with my new supervisor is going really well AND I'm feeling much less stressed. 



Last but not least since I've come home I've also found great joy in spending time with my friends, in a way I don't remember experiencing before. It's a really nice feeling which I can't easily capture in text form. 

Come back tomorrow and find out just why I've been so grateful for these friendships. 

2016 Part I: The Stormy Weather Post

Over the holidays I've been trying hard to make sense of everything that's happened in 2016. Overall I would describe the year as a terrible disaster with some silver linings, which I got through with the help of my friends. So I'm going to write to you about this year in three parts: Stormy Weather; Silver Linings and; Gratitude for Getting By With a Little Help From My Friends. 

For this first post, please fasten your seat-belts and return your seat to the upright position, we are in for a bumpy ride. 

In January 2016 I was full of enthusiasm for what I thought would be the first of two hard-fought trips to the DRC. Throughout the month I packed my bags not only for a three month trip but also to leave the beautiful apartment I had been sharing with one of my best friends who was going to be moving in with her boyfriend while I was gone. By the end of the month I had said goodbye to my family and friends and was facing a whole lot of change at once. 

At the beginning of February I traveled to Bukavu by plane with a colleague with whom I shared some romantic type feelings. The first week in Bukavu was hectic with him being shuttled around by his organisation which was also one of the three organisations I would work with, trying to set up in my new apartment and establishing contact with other peacebuilding organisations. Although nothing notable happened during his presence for the week of my trip his departure hit me really hard. So hard that I spent an entire day crying in bed after he left. I was alone and feeling very exposed in a rural, extremely poor fragile context and wasn't sure where to start. After two weeks he stopped returning my emails without explanation and no, he didn't know about the crying. 

Personally the trip was very hard. Not having drivers, cooks or security assistance, and working directly with local organisations left me very exposed to daily and more acute stresses. During my trip I watched a woman being beaten with no one to call for help, became very ill with a respiratory infection, was abandoned in a small town without a vehicle or cell phone reception in an area with an active rebel movement and was followed home by an individual who aggressively pressed me for money. On top of this our house cat who brought me some comfort disappeared at the beginning of April leading both to sadness and to an influx of rats in our kitchen. We suspect the cat was trapped and eaten.

In the end all of this was manageable. I took things one day at a time and got over it (except for the cat). Instead the things that I've found difficult to cope with were totally unexpected. 

I, perhaps naively, went to the DRC hoping to come back telling a different story. Not one about how poor, suffering and traumatized the population was, but one of hope which highlighted the commitment of local individuals and communities to bringing peace to their country. While I think I did find the hope I was looking for, which I'll talk about in my silver linings post, this hope was ultimately overshadowed for me by the tragedy that I wintessed in the daily lives of my research participants and the other people around me. Almost all of the staff from the organisations I worked with had experienced loss as a result of the conflict, had witnessed extreme violence and/or had been forcibly displaced for a significant period of time. Despite having some of the more secure jobs available in the province they struggled to feed, clothe, house and educate their families. A lot of them faced violence and threats as part of their job. Yet, the absolute worst part of this was how scared they all were that the country was teetering on the edge of violence and poverty that they had no control over which arrived officially on their doorsteps in the later part of this year. It was even harder to accept. Let me be clear, there is no easy way out for the DRC. At some point the international community will need to step away and let the state actually govern its territory, but doing so will risk organised violence which could worsen what can only already be described as a humanitarian disaster, before the state finds its authority and ability to govern. 

I came back to Canada in May still planning to return to the DRC but I was sick, very stressed and completely exhausted. I did what I needed to in May. Found a new apartment, fulfilled maid of honour duties and sought treatment for my cough. 

By June I was feeling optimistic again. I moved, found a wonderful summer job and started dating the colleague mentioned above. My cough was even under control and I got to go to Halifax for a conference. However, it quickly became clear that the job was more stress than I could handle and the relationship ended quickly. By early August my cough was back and you've already read my post about medical house arrest. In mid-August a man who had continually harassed me by phone and email while I was in the DRC was trying to contact me on my Canadian number and via Facebook.By September tensions were rising in the DRC around the elections scheduled for November which were ultimately postponed leading to protests and violence.

It was time to face the reality that things were not working out as planned with my thesis. 

In early September I discussed the possibility of choosing a new context for a second case study for my thesis with my supervisors, we initially selected Colombia. At the same time I was transcribing my interviews from South Kivu and began to realize how much data I had already collected 55 interviews, 35,000 words of field notes. It became clear that if I duplicated my research in another context that I was going to have so much data that it was going to be unmanageable and that I would struggled to finish my Ph.D. 

I decided to pull the plug on the second case study in early October after a discussion with my co-supervisor led to a suggestion that I select another case. I frantically tried to develop a new plan and did which I presented to my supervisors. They wrote back with five points, four of which were reasonable questions the fifth which implored me to go back to the DRC for the sake of my academic reputation. 

Again, I put my foot down. I wouldn't be able to go on to be a professor if I were too traumatized to go on working or worse if I was dead anyways. This led to an altercation with my primary supervisor with whom I had, had a difficult relationship from the beginning which ended with her resignation from my committee. Although I feel that it was handled very poorly ultimately I know that this was the best decision for both of us. I too had been trying to decide how to walk away from her supervision for several months. 

As far as supervisory breakups go this one wasn't so bad. My co-supervisor agreed to continue as my primary supervisor and things have been going much more smoothly ever since. Late November and December have gone more smoothly with some annoying blips around the holidays related to gift giving and yet another relationship gone awry. Overall things seem to be moving in a more positive 2017, but if I learned anything from this year it was to not take anything for granted. 

Check back tomorrow afternoon for my Silver Linings Post. 

Sick Until Proven Well? My Journey under Medical House Arrest

In March 2016 while I was in the DRC I developed one of the worst coughs I ever remember having. I would start to cough and finish twenty minutes later. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't work, it was so bad that one of my research participants took my hand and prayed for me. Now my German doctor friend had a somewhat different take on the situation. After listening to my lungs he thought that my cough might just go away after two weeks. 

Although my cough got better it never really left. When I would start to cough usually at night or while running, my chest would tighten and I would feel like I was choking. I thought I'd just wait it out and see if it got better when I got home.

Fast forward about a month. I'm staying at home with my mom in Mississauga and I come home from a run wheezing so badly that I'm shaking and have to actively work on breathing for about thirty minutes before I get back to normal. I'm finally convinced it's time to go to the doctor. A little concerned that it might be tuberculosis but pretty sure it's not. 

The doctor is also a little concerned it might be TB. He sends me for a chest x-ray and orders some other tests. The x-ray is clear but the other test showed that I had an antibiotic resistant infection. We identify an antibiotic that will work. I move back to Ottawa about a week later. 

The cough and wheeze slowly dwindle over the course of three weeks until I'm feeling pretty alright, but then it suddenly starts again. After two long bike rides and a children's Birthday party I'm coughing so hard that I throw up. Time to head back to my Ottawa doctor's office. The doctor at the walk in clinic listens to the history and is pretty sure we should check for TB again and orders two skin tests and four sputum samples. After two weeks I return to the doctor because I'm still coughing and haven't heard about any of the results. All but one of the TB tests have come back negative and I'm given the same antibiotic that I was on before. 

So I went back to work. At around 4 p.m. I got a phone call from the doctor's office. The voice on the other end of the phone says that the test shows that I have a micro-organism in my lungs, probably TB, and that I have to go home immediately and not talk to anyone or go to any public places. My nightmare gets worse when I get a phone call from a public health nurse telling me that this "In-Home Isolation" is going to continue for weeks during which I'm not supposed to have contact with anyone or go into any public places where I might expose someone who is immune compromised to TB. 

They arrange for me to meet an infectious disease specialist at the Ottawa Hospital the next day. My aunt, a former TB nurse agrees to drive me and help with groceries. The doctor who meets us explains that because of my travel history and the duration of the cough we are going to treat my cough with TB medication while we wait for more test results and that I need to be isolated from other people. We do another chest x-ray and my aunt takes me home. Later someone else from Public Health comes and drops off hundreds of pills. The following day a public health nurse starts coming daily to watch me take 14 pills per day.

So for 12 days everyday consists of taking 14 pills per day, supervised, which destroy my stomach and zap my energy. I convince the public health nurse that I should be allowed to see other people and she reluctantly agrees to letting me see people in an open-air environment. In no circumstance am I to go inside a building with another living being. My aunt continued to help me until she developed a  blood clot in her leg and had to have two rounds of emergency surgery in 24 hours (she's on the mend now). At this point I'm calling my mother begging her to come and help me with my laundry and to help me get to my next appointment at the hospital. 

I have to say that being on in-home isolation was really hard for me as an outgoing, active, extrovert. I felt very restricted in my home and I didn't seem to be able to get enough social interactions even with daily outdoor visits and frequent phone calls. I also experienced a lot of anxiety of how my illness was going to impact my very demanding Ph.D. program. It was also hard to slow down from my normally very fast paced lifestyle. 

By day 12 my cough is gone but I'm exhausted and my stomach hurts all the time from the medication. At the hospital after a nurse completes my intake a doctor comes in with no mask on and announces "good news! you don't have TB and you don't have to wear a mask or take medication any more!" I don't think I could ever imagine being so furious and elated at the same time. On top of everything there is no explanation for why my cough went away with the medication (the doctor's guess was that the medication relieved existing inflammation in my lungs) or why I was allowed to continue taking this very strong medication for up to five days after the test results came back. There was also no explanation of how they mistook some other micro-organism for TB, all the report said was that it was something "naturally occurring in nature". 

The good news is my cough never came back, although I guess we'll never know what was causing it. The bad news is that the medication seems to have had a lasting impact on my digestive system. I've discovered that this can be mitigated by not consuming greasy foods or alcohol, however I'm going to be a bit disappointed if I can never enjoy a burger and fries again. 

What did we learn from this? 1,600 new cases of TB are diagnosed in Canada each year and a smaller proportion than you'd think are among new immigrants and refugees. If you're diagnosed with active TB you can be placed on in-home isolation and not be allowed to do much of anything. If you violate this condition and you're found to be a public health threat you can be hospitalized. Public health is supposed to help you complete the tasks needed to live like laundry and groceries and because their funding is often on the chopping block so that's easier said then done. (Subtext pay your taxes)

Personally I'm really glad that I didn't have TB. Another friend who spends time in the Congo did have TB and it's a long recovery. So long in fact, that if I had, had active TB that I would still be on medication, I might not have been allowed to go home for Thanksgiving, to Washington for my upcoming conference etc. I am a little disappointed by the way the situation was handled by the hospital and public health, at times it seemed like I, as an individual, wasn't being considered very much at all. This, among other things has also led to significant doubts about whether I want to continue with this line of research. I'm not sure that the health and safety risks are worth the reward (which these days seems to be living below the poverty line and fighting a lot with my thesis supervisors!). 

All of the Things I Haven't Told You About South Kivu

A lot of people have asked me about my trip since I came home two months ago and I'm not always sure what to tell them, especially when they ask in a tone that makes it sound more like a vacation than a research trip to a Fragile and Conflict Affected State. I often answer that my trip was interesting but that the lives of people who live in South Kivu are very difficult. I guess the truth is I don't really know what to say.

For those of you who want to get past this very general explanation let me break it down  for you.

My Research Went Very Well

In total I completed 55 interviews and 35,000 words of field notes during my time in Bukavu. My interviews were conducted with organizational leaders, staff and beneficiaries of the three peacebuilding organizations that I worked with and the field notes reflected what I observed at each of those organizations. 

The highlights of my interviews were really learning about individual contributions to peacebuilding and what people were doing formally and informally to foster peace. Transcribing one of my interviews I was recalled that one of my interviewees share that before one of the organizations arrived in her community that women thought that rape occurred as a result of a curse and that women would go to witch doctors after being assaulted in order to be cured, all the while being left with debilitating sexually transmitted infections and fistulas. The organization came into their community and stressed rapid response to rape and taught both women and men about women's rights (addressing both the cause and the outcome of the problem).

I'd like to say that the highlight of observation was getting to visit the prison, or the Panzi Hospital or participating in a radio show for human rights. However, the actual highlight of my observation was much more simple. About a month into my research I had what I called an ethnographic breakthrough, suddenly the people I was working with started to open up in a major way telling me about everything from office politics, to their worries about their families and the war. This was really meaningful to me both on a research level and a personal level. 

Expat Life in Bukavu is very Interesting

The expat community in Bukavu was pretty different from the expat communities in South Africa and Uganda. Overall it was very small and almost everyone got together every Wednesday and Friday night at a bar called Wendy's which is literally a shack at the side of the road in the wealthy part of town. There weren't very many things to do other than party so I often found myself kayaking or playing ultimate frisbee, which was nice but lost it's novelty after a while.

Near the end of my time in Bukavu I realized there wasn't a lot of balance for the expats there. Many of the more seasoned humanitarian workers had been to more intense places and were quick to assure that this was not in fact a war zone, much to the surprise of most of my research participants. Overall I felt intense pressure to prove that I was tough enough to succeed there. However I coped by concluding that everyone in Bukavu was an alcoholic, sexaholic, workaholic or some combination of the three. 

What It's Like Living Under a Lack of State Authority

Basically if something goes wrong in Bukavu you have to resolve the problem yourself, often with some help from your friends, and if you can't you're in big trouble. Because the Congolese government doesn't pay it's police or army adequately they often extort money from the population causing most people to see them as a scourge rather than as a source of protection. This manifested itself one day when my taxi driver drove through a police stop one days, resulting in the police officer opening the back door but my driver just kept going saying "stupid police officer, he knows there's nothing wrong with my car. He just wants my money". 

The lack of governance also leads to issues such as the disrepair of roads, the lack of access to adequate medical care and unpredictable price fluctuations which kept life interesting.  

The Difficult Lives of My Research Participants

Every single one of my participants showed signs of the deep rooted trauma which arises from living through twenty years of violent conflict and extreme poverty.

The executive director at one of the organizations I worked with was assassinated in 2006, and approximately half of the current staff worked there at the time including the current executive director. Many of the staff at this organization fear the possibility of arrest and don't ever go out after dark for fear of their safety.

At two of the organizations I worked at, most or all of the staff were not being paid for extended periods because of a diversion of foreign funds from the Congo to other conflict affected states and an overall cooling of the aid market. These people continued coming to work partly out of their commitments to peace and justice and also because of the absence of better jobs that would help them keep food on the table for their families.

All of the staff at all three of the organizations had been traumatized by the war, reporting displacement and the loss of family members and friends. On top of their own trauma they were working to support beneficiaries who were often more traumatized than they were themselves, bearing witness to extreme acts of violence and hatred faced by many of the residents in la plaine de la Ruzizi. I'll never forget the story of one participant who voluntarily drove out to photograph a massacre because he thought that people should know what happened, an action that put him at risk of being arbitrarily arrested or worse. Only one of the three organizations offered psycho-social support to their employees to help them cope with these conditions and the other two simply lacked the resources.

The beneficiaries and participants of the organizations I worked with had it even worse. They mostly lived in areas outside of the range of protection of the UN and humanitarian organizations and lived in areas affected by armed violence and banditry. Many of them spoke to the need to engage youth to prevent them from joining armed groups. Some had been the direct victims of attacks and others had lost immediate family members. In addition to being the victims of war they lived in areas where no health care, clean drinking water, food security or security sector existed. 

I started to experience compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma during this trip and I began to resent the fact that every person who talked to me shared their trauma, even though it was part of my research. This made me feel like a bad researcher and a bad person. Fortunately I was able to recover enough after a holiday to continue with my work. However, the thought that living a life of poverty and violence in this world is seriously based on the chance of where you were born remains too much for me the bare. It's difficult to know how to help when the problem is so pervasive and systemic. 

The Contributions Made by My Research Participants to Peacebuilding

Please, don't for a moment think that the people who I worked with were passive victims of conflict, unable to act and that they need you to ride in on your gold stallion to save them. They aren't and they don't. The truth is, the people who I met are doing incredible work and understand the conflicts in their communities with much more depth than an outsider ever could hope to, which also means that they hold they best chance of resolving those problems, with a little bit of help from their friends. 

Some of the amazing programming I saw included radio shows on human rights, human rights education, free conflict resolution services, community based conflict analysis groups, children's peace clubs, literacy clubs that taught women public speaking skills and programs that helped women access access legal and medical assistance after they experienced sexual assaults. 

While many of the employees of the organizations I worked with showed commitment to peace, no more so than the women working at these organizations who made up less than 25% of the overall staff. All of the women I spoke with were running community or church based organizations to support peace, justice and economic development in addition to their paid work and caring for their families. In a country where women aren't traditionally allowed to speak in front of public audiences and couldn't travel without their husbands' permission, this kind of work takes incredible courage. 

The Difficult Parts of My Life in Bukavu and South Kivu 

Doing my research was a rich, rewarding experience. Unfortunately, my daily life in Bukavu was a strain. I had some third world problems including frequent power and water outages, a lack of food variety and poor road transport. I had some expat problems like homesickness, culture shock and coffee withdrawal. 

I also had some big problems. The second biggest problem was when halfway through my trip I developed a cough, which a western doctor listened to and said he thought it was antibiotic resistant or viral and that I should wait for it to go away. It didn't go away in the promised two weeks, in fact it lasted two months by the time I finally went to the doctor, worried that I might have TB. In the end it was antibiotic resistant bronchitis which I am just finally getting over. 

The biggest problem was my overall security. Local people have their personal networks of information and support which help to keep them safe. Most expats have security briefings, drivers, and extensive human and financial resources which help to keep them safe but I was all on my own. All on my own when I witnessed a woman being attacked on the side of the road. All on my own when a security guard from a hotel tried to force himself on me one night. All on my own when one of the organization's I worked with left me in a town on the side of the highway with no cell phone reception or vehicle and then was told it wasn't safe for me to be there. Even all on my own while I lay away at night wondering what would happened if the police arrived in the middle of the night and demanded that I hand over my research or worse arrested me.

It's true that it all worked out, but being solely responsible for your security in a conflict zone is tough on you both mentally and physically. I came back to Canada pretty exhausted. 

What's Next?

As you might know this was only the first of two of my research trips. Although I came home with enough data to finish my Ph.D. my supervisors are encouraging me to complete a second field visit to the Congo or elsewhere. Intellectually and emotionally I'm still very attached to the idea of returning but I'm now much more acutely aware of the challenges in doing so. Goma was always the more risky location and the economic, security and political situation are all deteriorating. 

Careful self reflection have led me to the conclusion that I can probably go back to the DRC with some adjustments to my security strategy and a bit more cash in hand. This is of course contingent on the situation not falling apart as a result of the elections currently scheduled in November. The office of risk management, my supervisors and I will all be watching the news carefully in the coming months to decide whether or not a second trip is viable. I hope it is, for my own sake as well as for the sake of the Congolese people. They have shed enough tears and blood for many lifetimes. 

In the mean time I'm working both academically and professionally to advance my thesis and make some money. I am also coping/working through the mild vicarious trauma and traumatic stress I acquired during my trip. These things are more or less going fine. 

Ending at the Beginning 

There's a story I like to tell people about my trip. When I arrived in Kamembe (Rwanda) my colleague and I were picked up by his Congolese counterpart in a Taxi which drove us to the Congolese border. Once there, we went through immigration while the staff of the organization offloaded our luggage into their organization's vehicle. We got into the truck, crossed the rickety bridge into Bukavu and while we were having our passports validated it suddenly struck me that I didn't see my backpack containing my laptop and research materials in the truck. After our visas were validated, we returned to the truck and I inquired about my backpack discovering that it was not in fact in the truck. Trying to moderate my panic I explained the problem. To my amazement the man who had helped us through the visa process using his connections called the Rwandan taxi company, located my backpack and it was returned to me within less than fifteen minutes. 

The moral of the story is that although my trip was scary at times, that it all worked out in the end.

In peace. 

Rumours

I started to notice the prevalence of rumours in Bukavu around la journée de la ville mort, a day when everyone stays home so the streets are dead so to speak, which took place here in February to recognize ongoing political oppression. I received vastly different accounts of what was going on depending who I talked to ranging from one quiet day (which was what actually happened) to three days of intense protest with the possibility of violent clashes between protest groups. 
On Saturday morning I was naturally distressed to learn that an explosion had occurred in a vehicle close to a central market right along the main road in town which killed three people. However, there was evidence of rumours in the very first retelling of the story I heard which led me to check the news before sharing the information myself (it was of course confirmed). The first person who told me about the incident told me that a widow and her three children had been killed in an explosion in their vehicle which was caused by a grenade that was thrown at a car by the family of the widow's deceased husband who killed her husband years ago and now had returned to finish the job. Another informant told me that it was a dispute between neighbours which led to the grenade being thrown into the car. The two most far out stories came from other foreigners, one who told me that a grenade had been thrown at a crowd that had gathered to protest the financial mismanagement of a cooperative bank, and another who told me that a refrigerator exploded in the back of the vehicle. More recently I've heard lots of my local contacts speculate that the explosion was caused by witch craft, one going as far as to say that there was no trauma on either of the bodies (unfortunately someone posted pictures of the bodies on facebook so I can confirm that there was in fact trauma to the bodies). 
All that has been confirmed by at least two independent news sources (Radio Okapi and Radio France International) is that an explosion which was the result of an attack occurred in a vehicle which caused the death of a mother and her two children and that police are investigating. It's not even clear if it was a grenade or a car bomb.
I find the pervasiveness of rumours in the spread of information here very interesting. It likely results from the absence of a reliable source of security information, lack of access to formal news sources (many people can't read and don't have access to a radio or television) and to a large extent fear. A lot of the people who I'm working with have recently expressed fear over the possibility of violence and war surrounding the election. Although none of the rumours I've heard have linked the attack to terrorism or armed groups, after recounting the stories each of my informants have concluded that "it wasn't an attack by an armed group" and I wonder if it's a reflection of what it would mean for them and their community it was in fact an attack, since indeed we have no information other than that three people were killed when something exploded in their vehicle. 

Too Many Sad Stories: Realities of Life in the DRC

I'm currently on a much needed vacation in Uganda. Since I've arrived here old friends and new ones have eagerly asked about what life is like in the DRC, and I wish that I had better news. However, what's becoming abundantly clear is that there is an overwhelming number of sad stories in the Eastern DRC and that peace and development have been slow to reach those most affected by extreme poverty and violence. 

The sad stories must have started on the third day of my trip when I traveled with the staff of one of the organizations and their funder to Bideka. The overall tone of this visit was fairly light in comparison to what I've seen since. We arrived, viewed the local school and health centre and met with a group of women who shared about their experiences seeking medical and psycho-social support after having been the victims of Sexual and Gender Based Violence. I was surprised at how openly these women talked about their experiences. Closer to the end of the meeting another woman arrived and was asked to share her story. This woman didn't stand as confidently as the rest and she struggled to introduce herself, eventually terminating her contribution. After the meeting was over she asked to speak to me and the funder privately, at which point she explained that she had been attacked and raped in her home twice, losing her husband, children and sister. The young woman then started to sob and asked what she was supposed to do with her life now. 

Unfortunately, this story isn't uncommon. Attending an intake for survivors of rape with the same organization, which I mentioned in my last post I met three women, I met three women all of whom had been violently and repeatedly raped. By far the most shocking story came from a 53 year old. Twelve years ago she and her family were at home when they were attacked. The rebels who attacked her killed her husband and half of her children, and the other half fled into the forest while she was gang raped. Her children never returned, and the woman lost everything in one night. 

Of course it's not only the women who are suffering in the Congo. During my field visits to the Pleine de la Ruzizi I have also met with men who have lost children, whose families have been attacked and who have been targeted by other types of violent crime. Further, because of the lack of sustainable development both boys and men are at risk of being recruited into armed groups where they are forced to perpetrate unthinkable attacks. I realize that this last sentence might be surprising, but I think that this type of recruitment victimizes men further in a context where an absence of livelihood options means that men must sometimes choose between joining an armed group or sitting idly by as they and their families go hungry, sustaining a cycle of victimization. Few services are available to support victims of violence other than those who have been raped. 

What perhaps is most troubling is the rate of traumatization among the local peacebuilders who are serving the broader population of conflict affected people. The former executive director of one of the organizations that I'm working with was assassinated 10 years ago, and many of his friends and colleagues still work for the organization, and of course this event remains at the front of their minds, causing them to fear for their own safety. Justice has never been served in this case. At another organization I'm working with a man who felt compelled to photo-document a massacre that happened in the Pleine de la Ruzizi in which hundreds of people were burned alive in a church, which was actually outside of his professional duties. Upon his return he presented the pictures to the local civil society coordinators who displayed the photos and called for three days of mourning. Shortly thereafter he started being followed by the ANR (the Congolese spy group) and targeted for arrest, he even had to change residences to ensure his safety. A final individual who I'm working with escaped kidnapping in his youth and said to me frankly "If I hadn't gotten away, can you imagine where I would be now? This is on top of arrests, petty crime and other traumas these peacebuilders and human rights defenders have experienced, while helping to address the kinds of stories I've included above everyday.

Only one of the three organizations that I work with has the resources to offer their employees counselling services to help support them in their work. 

The situation in the Congo is, once again, at a critical turning point. National elections are scheduled to be held this year which has the potential to create significant civil unrest. In addition, a number of international humanitarian organizations are currently withdrawing or reducing their presence in the Eastern DRC as they move towards addressing emerging crises in South Sudan, Syria, Iraq and other parts of the World. However, much of the economy in the Eastern DRC is propped up by the presence of such organizations who employ local staff and whose foreign staff bring money into the economy. This withdrawal has already contributed to a notable deterioration in the security situation and the local economy. Together these two phenomenon could be a deadly combination living in the DRC. 

Unfortunately, I don't know what the solution is to these challenges. My local contacts tell me that the government's capacity and territorial control needs to be strengthened, however corruption and personal interests threaten to counteract any efforts to do so. 

On a very personal level I have found these stories of violence very troubling. I decided to go on vacation because I was starting to experience symptoms of compassion fatigue. However, there is also some irony in this. While I can always leave the DRC and traipse around East Africa for a couple of days to get my bearings back, staying in discount or otherwise hotels as I go, this is not an option for my Congolese colleagues and their beneficiaries who often struggle to put food on the table, no less take a much needed break.  

What Ethnographic Observation Looks Like

Pun Intended

In addition to interviews a large part of my research here is based on ethnographic observation. Ethnographic observation is a way of observing people in the course of their daily activities to try to understand both their daily lives and a specific phenomenon, which in my case, is how local actors contribute to peace.

But what exactly does that mean?

I spend 1.5 days per week with each of the three organizations that are participating in my research. Initially I was spending the other half day writing but recently it's been working out that I've been spending extra time with at least one of the organizations. Often while I'm at the organizations I'll conduct up to three staff interviews during a day. If I'm not interviewing anyone, I'm usually hanging out with the staff, listening to them discuss local news, their jobs or everyday life; all the while watching how they interact with each other and their superiors. Through doing this I've identified that one of the organizations laughs a lot together, one is very open to debate and the last one is very formalized. I also spend a lot of time talking with staff members one on one learning what makes them tick as well as hearing about their stories of personal bravery in the face of injustice, their work in the field and their hopes and dreams. Sometimes the workers at the organizations also talk to me about less optimistic topics like when their family members are the victims of attacks or accidents, or even sometimes their personal beliefs on gender equality (the Bible says that men and women weren't created equally you know...)

However, I really think that the highlight of observation for me has been accompanying local peacebuilders as they undertake community based activities. This started with a visit to a local jail where one of the organizations sends their lawyers to offer public defense services for inmates who can't afford a lawyer. The Central Prison in Bukavu houses 1400 prisoners, 1100 more people than the prison was build to house. As a result of the large number of inmates many go without receiving a trial for several years.

I think that one of the most hard-hitting experiences I've had so far was observing the intake and accompaniment of sexual violence survivors. We met with three women who had all experienced sexual violence and experienced prolapses. After they share their stories with the Children and Gender program we took them to the World famous Panzi Hospital where they would be assessed and received treatment. The Panzi Hospital is famous for treating women who develop fistula's after being raped, and they provide psycho-social and income generating support on top of the medical treatments they provide. It's worth noting the rape continues to be used as a weapon of war in the DRC by all of the active armed groups. On the day that I observed 

I have also gotten to participate in a radio show and join a community group that meets regularly to conduct conflict analysis and undertake conflict resolution and mediation practices.

 

The other way in which I get to observe the organizations in action is through field visits. So far I have participated in two visits. 

During the first trip I traveled with an organization to Sange, where we met members of their community mediation and women's groups. After conducting five interviews at a local school I also had the chance to meet the organization's Director's family. 

During the second trip we stopped in several cities along the Pleine de la Ruzizi where I conducted interviews and the organization with which I was travelling checked on the progress of markets which they were helping to construct. On the way home the following day we participated in several ceremonies opening those markets which local politicians also attended. 



There are also some major challenges associated with going to the field. During the first trip, we spent nine hours driving to spend 4 hours in Sange along the Ngoma escarpment road, along which you could see the trucks that rolled down never to be retrieved. On the second trip we used the much safer Rwandan roads, but I was asked for bribes crossing the Congolese border back into the Pleine. I was also put in danger by the director of my host organization who on more than one occasion left me in precarious situations, so that he could use the vehicle for something else or to attend some other meeting. These experiences left me very exhausted. 



None the less I continue to enjoy learning about and from my research participants and understanding how local civil society organizations are indeed contributing to peace. 

Cheers!

Introducing Local Peacebuilding in South Kivu

After being here for more than a month I'm excited to share with you about some of the organizations I'm working with in the DRC.

I'm going to start by explaining in more detail why I can't name the organizations I'm working with in my post, because I think it tells you a lot about the context here. Several participants in my research project have indicated that they fear violence as a result of their work. This is because the organizations that they work with challenge local power structures in a serious way. These activities include confronting the government over human rights abuses, trying to demobilize members of armed groups and generally working in unsafe parts of the country. As a result of their work members of these organizations receive death threats, have been arrested and have been the victims of violent attacks.

Here are some general trends I can note about the organizations. Two of the three organizations I'm working with are underfunded to the point that some or all of their staff are currently working for free, while the other is well financed. Two of the organizations work, at times with the states. All three of the organizations are heavily engaged in peace education, conflict resolution and have projects focused on women and/or children. They also work on human rights, ethnic discrimination, land conflict and natural resource management. 

The staff of the organizations that I'm working at are made up of men and women, although there are a lot fewer women, and they generally range in age from 30 to 60. They are almost all University educated, pursuing programs in human rights and law, rural development and teaching.

The employees of these organizations engage in a wide variety of daily tasks. The ones that I have directly observed include the intake and accompaniment of rape victims, facilitating peace clubs, conflict mediation, facilitating of inter-community dialogue groups, public defense services at the local jail, the delivery of sensitization and training programs and research on the local causes of conflict. From speaking with them I also know that they participate in disarmament activities, ensure the safety of prisoners, coordinate with field staff (extensively), participate in regional civil society mechanisms and engage directly at the community level in conflict resolution, the demobilization of armed groups and in community building activities. 

I often find myself inspired by the people who I am working with. I'm inspired by their commitment to peace, their willingness to continue their work despite some pretty significant structural and security challenges and their bravery when facing some very heartbreaking situations. 

I'm really grateful that I'll have the opportunity to write about what I'm observing in greater detail in my thesis and beyond.

There Aren't Any Stop Signs in Bukavu

It didn’t really hit me until I was visiting Rwanda. We were driving down the road and my eyes kept being drawn to the bright red signs that of course read “stop” across them. For some reason they seemed out of place. That was when I realized that there aren’t any stop signs in Bukavu, or traffic lights for that matter.

Although this isn’t terribly surprising given the lack of well paved roads in the country and the inability of the government to maintain effective control over its territory, this somehow seems like an excellent analogy for my time here so far.

My research is challenging. I am working with three local peacebuilding organizations to better understand the ways that they identify, address and represent the needs of their communities in peacebuilding processes while examining the dynamics within and between the organization. The way that I’m considering these factors is by observing the daily activities of each of the organizations and by conducting interviews with their leaders, staff, beneficiaries and international partners. It turns out, that this is quite a lot of work. I spend 1.5 days per week with each of the organizations, sometimes during these periods I’m also interviewing and or participating in meetings, field trips or special events. It becomes even more complicated when I’m invited to special events which don’t fall on the days that I’m supposed to be visiting a specific organization. On top of this I need to find time to write field notes and transcribe interviews. All of this to say that I could probably spend every waking hour working while I’m here but Bukavu is a bit exhausting at times, not to mention all of the work that I’ve done to try to achieve better work life balance. But where do I stop or draw the line? It seems risky to miss out on an opportunity to meet beneficiaries and participate in meetings because I may not have other opportunities to meet with those beneficiaries or observe that project, and if I don’t work on transcribing my interviews I’m going to have many painful months ahead listening to fuzzy French audio recordings.

However, this little analogy of mine extends beyond my own research, indeed, it would seem to apply to the broader context in the DRC. Take sexual and gender based violence as an example. I spoke with a government official here who told me that the number of reported rapes has dropped from 6,000 in 2014 to 3,000 in 2015 in the province of South Kivu, and therefore the rape epidemic was over. First of all this suggests that 8.5 rapes per day in one province of a much larger country is acceptable. Second, it totally ignores the fact that rape is highly stigmatized in the DRC and that many acts go unreported. Civil society organizations of course mount the same complaints against such explanations many of which run programs to help victims of sexual and gender based violence access the support they need. However, I’d also note that in a private conversation, a local employee casually mentioned to me that he feels that rape is simply being used as a tool for local NGOs to get more money and that the problem was not as significant as the broader violence occurring in the country. Although local and international organizations could be taking a somewhat more broadly defined approach that takes in the experiences of both men and women as survivors and perpetrators of sexual and gender based violence as well as other violence, the vulnerability of women is evident. In the first week of my visit here I of course heard from a group of survivors of sexual violence who had been assisted in finding treatment by one of the organizations I’m working with. It became even more clear when I left a hotel restaurant on a weekday in the middle of the day down a well travelled road to discover three men standing over a woman who lay on the ground screaming while one of them straddled her. Where does the victimization of women and men through this and other kinds of violence stop?

Of course it’s hard to stop violence, exploitation of natural resources, land conflict and identity conflict in a place where ineffective governance means that even the police and armed forces are unable or unwilling to enforce territorial armed groups no less protect the land and population from public or private violence or enforce basic traffic laws. Indeed, the lack of an effective government is frequently one of the causes of conflict identified by the organizations that I’m working with. However, how to effectively support statebuilding here remains a complex problem to be resolved.

On a lighter note, I stopped over for a little visit to Rwanda this weekend where I enjoyed lots of food and a long hike to this waterfall! Nothing like a bit of distance to give you some perspective.

Cheers!

Bukavu Week 2: Getting to Know You

Bukavu changes a little bit everyday. Sometimes it's a change in the cost of dinner. Sometimes it's the weather and sometimes it's the people around you. It's tough to adjust to a place when you can't quite figure out the rules of the game. 
Different members of the expat community have found different ways to explain this phenomenon to me. One said "I couldn't figure out why but I was really emotional for the first month, it's better now" and numerous people have told me that it takes about a month to "get used to it here". Whatever the cause and explanation is, below are some of the things I've experienced over the last two weeks and my attempt to make sense of it

Local Organizations
I'm working with three organization in Bukavu, all of whom work on peacebuilding and have overlapping agendas which include peace education, conflict transformation and have strong links with local churches.On top of that one has a focus on women, human rights and justice, one a focus on development and a third that I'm still getting to know. They all start the day with a morning prayer and all are highly critical of the government's ability to govern effectively. 
These organizations all feel very diverse but also inextricably linked through funders, themes and at times partnerships. I'm looking forward to getting to know the staff better and what makes each of these organizations unique. 

Field Visits to Bideka and Kadutu
All of the organizations that I am working with have strongly suggested that I visit their partners in the field. Each of these organizations have local fieldstaff or "animateurs" who help to implement peacebuilding projects at the local level. In my first two weeks here I have been fortunate enough to go on two short field visits.

The first was with the justice focused organization where we went to Bideka. In Bideka we met with members of the community who had been victims of sexual and gender based violence who were receiving help in obtaining treatment from the Panzi hospital who help to repair fistulas experienced by rape victims. It was striking to hear women describe their experiences of sexual violence, especially from the one who was unable to speak in front of the group but who insisted on meeting with Ian and I privately to tell us her story and who broke down at the end wondering what to do with her life now, after having been attacked for the second time and losing her family to violence. It was a good opportunity to learn about the insecurity which continues to face people living outside of Bukavu, which includes threats from demobilized forces and non-state armed actors. We also got to see the school where students were writing state exams and visit the health center which offered very basic services. Vaccines are stored in a fridge, food is distributed to people sufferring malnutrition and there is a very basic nursing station equipped only with running water, a surgical table and a scale. Despite the evident poverty and violence people were friendly and welcoming.

My second little trip into the field was still within the borders of Bukavu but in a neighbourhood where not many foreigners venture. This is because this is the area refer to as "chaud" (or hot) because it's crowded and there is a lot of poverty and other things going on. On this visit we went to see children who are part of local peace clubs play a soccer game for peace. These clubs are run by the peacebuilding organization with the broader focus on development. At the beginning of each game the organization explains to the children that they're being brought together to support peace and they're invited to play together. Notably there was only one girl on one of the teams. Although it was good to see the project I was a bit overwhelmed by the large group of children who crowded around me but couldn't speak French. I tried my usual fist bump tactic which elicited smiles but didn't disperse the crowd. Again, there was noticeable malnutrition and struggle.

Expats
The expat community is notably different from the people living in Kampala. It is significantly smaller and there are weekly events that a large number of people go to so it's easy to meet people. There seem to be two age groups here. People between the ages of 25-35 who are here performing project management functions at local and international NGOs and an older group with more senior positions in international NGOs. Everyone is friendly and evidently pretty tough. It's also interesting to see the differences between organizations and how they treat their staff. While some must be accompanied at all times others are left more or less to their own devices. It's also interesting to watch the interactions between UN, International NGO and local NGO workers, the local NGO workers tending to be the most "hardcore" of the group.

Everything is "Fine" 
The mantra that I keep hearing from my international and local contacts is that everything is "fine" in Bukavu. There are political tensions, and my friends at the justice organization fear assassination attempts but everything is fine because the war is not currently knocking at their door. Expats exhibit that they feel nervous about going into the field and even places around Kadutu but everything is fine because they are not in any immediate danger. And indeed, everything is fine but it is interesting to take note of how subjective the use of the term "fine" can really be. 

That's all for now. 

Bukavu: First Impressions

I'm not totally sure where to start this post because so much has happened in the last week and a half, in fact my field notes on their own are around 4,000 words and that doesn't even cover the personal parts.

 On January 30 I finished moving the rest of my things out of my apartment and briefly held back tears as my friend Ifte drove me towards the trains station where I was to meet my friend/colleague/travel-buddy-extraordinaire Ian. Over the next 24 hours we would travel from Ottawa to Bukavu, buying stroopwaffels in Schipol, staying across the road from the main stadium in Kigali and being met by Ian's partner organization in Kamembe who then helped us to cross the border into Bukavu. Because they're participating in my research I'm going to call this organization JH and not name any names in order to maintain anonymity, I'll be doing this a lot in my blog posts about my trip here.

It feels like the Rwandan-Congolese border is a great place to start the tale of my time in Bukavu. As you may know one of the reasons that the University of Ottawa was reluctant to allow me to go on my field work to the Congo was because of the boarder crossing. However, being met at the border by staff members from JH ensured that the border crossing almost went very smoothly (I'd note that the riskiest part was probably driving across the super rickety bridge).

The reason I say that the crossing almost went very smoothly is because when we arrived at the Rwandan side of the border Ian and I got out of the taxi were in and approached the border agent window. While we were doing this the JH staff moved all of our things from the taxi into the organization's vehicle. We then crossed the border and had our visas validated by the Congolese authorities which took about 15 minutes. It was at this point that I realized that my backpack with my laptop and all of my research materials was missing. I tried pretty hard to conceal my panic as I asked in French whether my bag was in the trunk. It was not. It was lost. My heart sank. At that moment the administrator for the organization sprang into action calling the Rwandan cab company where he knew many of the drivers well. Within 15 minutes my backpack and all of its contents had been retrieved.

I stuck pretty closely to Ian this first week attending meetings, going on a field visit to Bideka and meeting the provincial minister for gender, health and social services. I also had meetings with other potential participants in my research which showed the great diversity of local organizations here which was really interesting. I also met my room mate and attended some events with other expats. I seem to have hit it off with some of the people here although I'm still waiting for a follow up coffee invitation ;). 

I would really like to write more about Bideka but to some extent I'm still processing what I saw and heard there and I think it's probably a long enough story to be it's own post so keep an eye out for it in the near future.

Ian left on Friday morning which was an unpleasant shock to the system. Suddenly I was very alone in Bukavu which seemed and still seems a little bit overwhelming on top of the other things that are also overwhelming about fieldwork like building relationships, culture shock and jet lag. His departure has hit me pretty hard.

Anyway I thought I'd give a general overview of the environs here for your reference as a quick way to wrap this up.

Climate: Warm during the day time and cool at night, so overall very pleasant. It is currently rainy season but so far there has only been one significant rainfall and threatening skies. 

Food: Extremely inexpensive but there is definitely a lack of variety, I'll have to make due with no lettuce in my salads for the next little while.

Culture: Friendly and generally pretty respectful. So far I have experienced very little street harassment. 

Language: French! Boy is my language proficiency getting a ork out. 

Security: Not obviously dangerous but there is sort of a constant low level of concern. So far this has really been the hardest part of my trip to navigate. Most of the other expats here are working with international NGOs which gives them access to cars, drivers, assistance finding cellphones and ongoing security updates. This is not the case for this Ph.D. student which is leading me to feel a bit uneasy. However, I'm keeping my eye on the prize and hoping that it gets a bit easier with time. 

Anyway, that's all for now. Stay tuned for posts about my research, my trip to Bideka and other crazy adventures.

With love. 

Getting to Go: My Fieldwork Takes Flight.

This is finally happening. After eight years of studying the DRC, two trips to the African Continent, multiple jobs and 2.5 grueling years of graduate work, this is finally happening; I'm going to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. 
The last time I posted in my blog was about the time that I started writing my thesis proposal. This was a long process which involved basically a 9-5 job of reading and writing every day for four months (first world problems, I know). Things started to get a bit more interesting in April of 2015 when I started submitting drafts to my committee and I had a paper accepted at a conference. In early June I defended my proposal to my committee and it was accepted without revisions, which was a very pleasant surprise. I thought that this would be my last defense for a while.
Over the summer I worked on my ethics proposal and accepted some contract work with Partnership Africa Canada which was great. I was also offered a job in the Central African Republic with the UN which would have been a dream but an inability to get an insurance and a disquieting gut feeling led me to decline the offer just two weeks before my departure date. 
I submitted my ethics proposal in September and kept busy while I waited for my revisions. Inevitably the revisions arrived on my Birthday. They were minor but included a request to visit the Office of Risk Management to discuss any necessary permissions required to travel to a country with a travel advisory. The meeting was set for October 20th, the day after the federal election.
So the morning after the M.P. I had worked with and campaigned for was voted out of parliament for no other reason that Canadians were too afraid of another Harper majority (why this meant we had to vote out some of the best NDP MPs in the country, I will never understand/forgive) I headed over to the Office of Risk Management. When I arrived I was greeted by a risk analyst who indicated that the university had a blanket policy against allowing students to travel to countries with travel advisories. She told me that there had been no exceptions and that I could launch an appeal but that it was extremely unlikely that I would be allowed to go. 
So naturally I panicked and the situation only got worse after my boyfriend broke up with me a week and a half later. This was one of the most difficult months of my life. I wasn't expecting to face another challenge to my research and I didn't have a backup plan. 
Over the coming weeks I gathered my forces which included letters of support from an MP, a UN official and civil society members. I also prepared a risk-mitigation strategy that reflected my experience in developing countries and crisis management and prepared a presentation outlining the arguments outlining the reasons I should go.
In late November I defended my project yet again to a committee comprised of a lawyer, two risk analysts and the manager of the International Office. I decided to present without the use of a powerpoint presentation or notes because the group and room was so small which apparently impressed the committee and ultimately they decided to let me go. 
I think the most interesting thing to come out of the interaction with this committee is that now that they have approved my research, they have become an incredible resource and source of support; completely defying my expectations. 
Over the Christmas I booked my flight to Kigali, which leaves on January 30th. From there I will travel with Ian Thomson from KAIROS Canada to Bukavu in South Kivu, where I already have accommodations arranged. 

With all of this being said, I'm re-launching my blog to share my experiences while I'm away! check back in coming weeks to see a description of my research, photographs and of course stories about what I'm sure will be an adventure of a lifetime.