What's in a Year?

With lots of people reflecting on social media about their past year and even decade, it has me thinking about how to summarize what happened over the last year. In once sentence I think I would describe it as a year of heartache, unexpected travel and slow progress. 

Heartache

2019 started off with an expected loss that I was not in anyway ready for, which was of course the death of Paul Dewar. I've written about this in a previous post but enough to say that I continue to remember this man, who deeply inspired me, often. 

I was especially reminded of him working in his previous Parliamentary office in the first part of the year for now retired MP Hélène Laverdière. I very much valued working in her office, and had amazing opportunities to contribute to Canadian foreign policy through this role, but the job was also a struggle in many ways. When my contract ended at the end of May I felt like my long-term dream of working at Parliament had ended in frustration and disappointment. On a higher note I am delighted to have made some strong friendships with other progressive people through this role and so I do have something to be grateful for. 



In August I started a new role doing project coordination and human rights advocacy related to the Philippines and Palestine-Israel. That same month I traveled to the Philippines to meet with partners and learn about the human rights situation. I was most affected when we met the wife and daughter of Brandon Lee, an American Human Rights Activist who narrowly survived being shot in the face by a masked man in front of his daughter. During our meeting his daughter cycled through phases of anger, grief, guilt and normalcy which was very troubling to watch, and his colleague who had also joined us cried throughout our time together. When the daughter was calmer, she was making paper cranes, trying to get to 1000 to wish for her father's recovery. It goes without saying the this kind of attack is a serious violation of human rights, and was far from an isolated incident. In December the Executive Director of one of our partner organizations received death and rape threats after participating in a march for international human rights day. 

Soon after I came back from the Philippines in September, I also witnessed a cyclist get hit by a car, two bikes ahead of me. I helped to coordinate the response and helped to move her off the road. She was thankfully not as badly hurt as anyone had anticipated and me and another cyclist stayed with her until her partner was able to join her about an hour later. This incident has really stuck with me.

Unexpected Travel

My unexpected trips were really the highlight of 2019. 

In March I was speaking to a colleague at Carleton when one of the admins came to ask her whether she was available to accompany a group of students on a trip to Washington. When she responded in the negative I, jokingly, suggested that I could go, and to my amazement everyone agreed. It was a super cool trip. On the trip at the end of April we got to visit the State Department, World Bank, and Canadian Embassy among other amazing places. On our free day on the trip I also got a personalized tour of the U.S. Institute for Peace where several officials met with me to explain their operations in a response to a proposal for a peace institute that I prepared as part of my parliamentary work. Drafting that proposal was certainly a highlight of that role. 



After my contract ended at parliament in June, I took my first international vacation as an adult and I traveled to Europe visiting Switzerland, France and Germany. In Switzerland, I enjoyed eating fondue and chocolate and visiting local museums. I also saw my first opera, the Marriage of Figaro at the Zurich Opera House, and was pleasantly surprised to learn it was a comedy. In France, I enjoyed seeing historic building in Strasbourg and visiting European Parliament. I also had the pleasure of reconnecting with my friend Lukas in Munich, who I met on exchange in the Netherlands in 2006. It had been 10 years since we had last seen each other so there was a lot to catch up on. I also learned that Alpine mountain climbing is not for me :). 



My trip to the Philippines was also very much unexpected. Positive highlight included visiting the Asian continent for the first time, meeting my friend Hansky's parents and hanging out with the moderator of the United Church of Canada. Oh and eating a piece of cake at every snack time.



Slow Progress

Teaching has also been a major aspect of this year. I taught my first course at the MA level in the autumn of 2018. In January of 2019, I was distressed to discover that while I loved teaching that course, that I had received a relatively low (read mediocre) teaching evaluation. This coincided with some challenging interactions with students in a fourth year law and legal studies course that I had picked up in addition to my planned classes at the graduate level in foreign affairs. 

Although I was initially very disheartened to learn about my initial attempt at teaching, the mediocre evaluation sparked a major effort to improve. In the winter I sought mentorship from the Education Development Centre at Carleton and went on to take a Certificate of University Teaching over the summer. Although I felt that completing the certificate only contributed to minor adjustments in my pedagogy, it led to a major improvement in my interactions with most of my students. I am still learning how to work with students who are resistant to my teaching style and/or personality. 

In the autumn, in addition to teaching a re-imagined version of my original course I also taught a course on gender and development in French. This was a very challenging experience and I couldn't have done it without my amazing teaching assistant. 

I have also made some progress in my overall health. In 2019 I had more migraines than I had ever had, cumulatively, at any other point in my life. My migraines are debilitating and involve and hour of relative blindness followed by three hours of extreme pain and nausea. Luckily on a visit to the doctor I took the time to describe my symptoms, and my doctor suggested I might be having hypoglycemic attacks, and that I should start eating small snacks every 2-3 hours. Although it's too early to say whether this step has permanently alleviated my migraines, I think it has really improved my overall health. I have more energy, my skin is clearer and my weight is down (no more migraines to date either!). I'm hoping to consolidate these gains by becoming more physically active over the winter. 

Although I can't say I feel like I made a lot of professional progress over the last year in terms of being a development practitioner, I would say I've learned a lot about the Canadian political system, Palestine-Israel and the Philippines, which I guess is positive. 

What's Getting Me Through?

As you can tell its been a difficult year. My friends are always a source of comfort and support. I have also greatly enjoyed continuing to volunteer with an accessible children's class with Propeller Dance. Working with the dancers has been a major sources of joy and fulfillment for me. I also greatly enjoyed gardening over the summer and pottery in the fall.

What's Coming up in 2020?

My goal by the end of the year is to have a single employer and for it to be an academic one. I applied for a post-doc in the autumn, the results will be released in February and if I was successful I'll be returning to Halifax. I also have a couple of outstanding academic job applications and I am in a hiring process for a Foreign Service officer position at Immigration, Refugee and Citizenship Canada, although these are less likely to pan out. 

Until then, I'll be teaching my peacebuilding course and continuing plodding along as a practitioner. 

Peace